How to cultivate real intimacy with God

Intimacy with God

Whether you are new to faith in Christ or have been following Him for a long time, the challenge of building a personal relationship with Jesus can feel daunting. Yet, that’s the invitation of salvation. Jesus came, died, and rose again so that we could personally encounter real intimacy with God. 

In the church, we find many practices that help us grow, but sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough. The desire to know God typically leads us into a busy spiritual life of doing. We go to church, prayer meetings, bible studies, and small groups, all the while working to find ways to serve in ministry. Does that sound familiar?

A passion for the more of God is awesome and in that beginning place of desire and wonder it feels like it will always be glorious. Pursuing God starts as an adventure, but there’s always a point in the journey when things begin to dry up and stall. There are many reasons for which we can pass the blame, but the core issue has less to do with external circumstances than one might think.

What do you do when going through all the motions and doing all the spiritual things you know to do still leaves you feeling numb and disconnected from God? Do you look for something new and fresh? 

Desperation will reach for anything and everything to find inspiration for the soul.

Sometimes in that desire for more of God, people choose to move to a new church, looking for better or deeper teaching. Others move from ministry to ministry looking for fulfillment in service. Here’s the thing, intimacy with God produces satisfaction and fulfillment because in Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28) It’s about being and becoming, and then out of that doing.

What is intimacy with God anyway?

I love the story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) because it so perfectly illustrates what we’re talking about today. Now, before we go any further, I just want to say this is not about criticizing the desire to serve. Truthfully, we should serve others, but never as a substitution for worship. Serving often feels easier, after all, it is one of the gifts of the Spirit, but when this becomes our only vehicle of worship we set ourselves up for burnout. 

In the story of Martha and Mary, we see two sisters who loved Jesus. Each of these women approached His visit with a different agenda. Mary chose presence, while Martha chose service.

Focus of the heart

Martha often gets the raw end of the deal, but the reality is, supper wasn’t going to cook itself. Someone had to take responsibility because in those days there was no take-out in the village of Bethany. That’s not the point, though. The issue though wasn’t about Martha wanting to cook a big meal, it was about the state of her heart.

Her sister Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.

Luke 10:39-40

Martha’s focus on her work created a distraction in her soul, which led her into jealousy, resentment, and discontent. We don’t know why she was anxious about the meal, but we can imagine. The thing is, Jesus wasn’t concerned about that meal, he was concerned about Martha. 

Intimacy with God

First things First; Love God

Intimacy with God is about keeping Him first, it’s highly relational and personal. The nature of intimacy with God depicts closeness and familiarity. What I mean, is that when you and I cultivate a loving relationship with God, there is authenticity, honesty, and trust.

Jesus replied, “’ You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:37-40

True Worship

Everything about who we are and what we do finds its foundation in loving God and loving others, but there’s a reason God directs us to love Him first. True worship creates a place of communion where God dwells and makes himself known. This is the place of healing, life transformation, and peace because it’s where the heart agrees with God. Out of that overwhelming, and abundant grace, led and empowered by the Holy Spirit, we love and serve others. Without the love of God, all those “acts of love” become busy work creating a distracted soul.

We cultivate intimacy with God as we lean into His perfect love, where God loves us and we love Him back. We express that love through worship as we exalt Him above everything in our lives. God must always hold the highest place in our hearts. 

Pursuing intimacy with God

Knowing God has to move past the mind and take root in the heart. Many people equate knowing about God with knowing God, but it’s not the same thing. 

When I was about 15 years old, I had a profound encounter with the LORD. I was away from my family on a summer mission trip, experiencing so many things I’d never seen. God revealed Himself to me as I spent time reading scripture, journaling, praying, and serving Him as I worked with a team on our project site. Intimacy with God began to grow and by the end of that summer trip, I started to sense a calling on my life to vocational ministry. Over the next four years, I pressed in and prepared to go to Bible College. 

Pursuing intimacy not knowledge

So, what’s the point of that story? Well, mostly to paint a picture of how knowing about God shifted when I began to trust him more. You see, I grew up surrounded by Christians, who loved Jesus, so I knew a lot about God, but it wasn’t until that mission’s trip that I began to know Him.

Four years later as I was heading off to college my slightly older friend, Val prayed for me. She followed up her prayer with an exhortation to guard my heart, pursue intimacy with God, and not allow the Bible to just become like a textbook. 

The greatness of God is so far beyond what our little minds can comprehend, still, He invites us to come close and know Him. He delights to reveal Himself and show His heart. We were made to live in close intimacy with God, and the journey to His heart never ends because there is always more. What a glorious adventure!

Meeting with God over His Word

All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

The scriptures hold authority because they were divinely inspired by God. This is why we call it, The Word of God! Spending time in the Bible is critical, but not for the sake of acquiring knowledge, it’s about connecting with the Father. Intimacy with God develops as we turn our hearts to see and hear what God is saying. It’s about watching Him and learning.

It is true, God’s word is VERY useful in preparing and equipping His people to do every good work, but it’s way more than just a ministry manual. The real value in reading scripture is that it is the story of God; it is the place He reveals Himself and makes Himself known. 

Practicing Trust

Intimacy with God is developed as we practice trusting Him and taking Him at His word. It’s not enough to read that God is the provider, He wants us to know Him as the provider. It’s encouraging to read the testimony of others, who have experienced the miracles of God, but there is a deeper intimacy that is birthed when we trust and surrender to His almighty power. 

If you want to know God, meet with Him as you read His word, and then press into the practice of trust, surrender, and obedience. In the process of walking in agreement with the truths we read in scripture we begin to know God in the context of our everyday moments. 

Tuning into God in Prayer

Intimacy with God is cultivated through the practice of prayer. So, let’s talk about what that might look like.

Prayer is not just about talking at God with a list of requests, it’s a vehicle that helps us to commune with God. Many of us have mastered prayer petitions and intercession, but the struggle with the listening side of this relationship is no joke. Prayer can quickly become an empty religious activity when we treat it like a requisition process. Prayer is about communion, which means it’s a two-way conversation that revolves around a relationship. 

Cultivating real intimacy with God means learning to tune the heart to hear the voice of God and we do that in prayer. Ultimately, the practices and various forms of prayer we use are designed to open our hearts to the heart of the Father. 

Releasing control

Have you ever been obsessed with wanting a specific answer to prayer? Yeah, me too. In that place of willfulness, it’s really hard to see or hear what it is God is saying. There is such freedom in understanding that prayer is not a means to an end, it’s the life flow of this sacred relationship between God and His beloved. 

Be still and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.

Psalm 46:10

God invites us to come and know Him, as we watch Him be who He says He is. The distractions of doing, often cause us to miss the movement of God. If we want to cultivate real intimacy with God, then we start by being still in prayer. We must learn to watch His power and listen as He works in and around us.  

Intimacy with God

Building a lifestyle of worship

We were created for worship, which is the dance of intimacy with God. It’s important to understand that worship is an expression of our heart toward the Father. True worship is birthed when we encounter the glory of God. The key to seeing that glory is surrender. When God is first in our hearts, we are positioned to see and encounter His majesty.

God is clear about worship and what is acceptable to Him; It is not about duty, it is about love. The position of the heart in everything we do determines the product of the offering. We must resist the temptation to reduce it to a transaction. 

Worship is also not an event…

Keeping God first is a lifestyle commitment. What I mean is that cultivating intimacy with God is about dwelling with Him. He is so unbelievably attracted to the fragrance of true worship that He chooses to dwell in it. David writes in the book of Psalms, 

Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.

Psalm 22:3

One of the quickest ways I know into the presence of God is through true worship. It’s about cultivating a life of surrender and trust, keeping God on the throne above all things. A relationship with God cannot be compartmentalized. Lifestyle worship is about intentionally staying connected to the heart of the Father. 

We love God by keeping Him first. It’s in that place of watching, waiting, and listening, we experience the impartation of His amazing love. It’s only as we receive that perfect healing love that we can respond in kind. The capacity to love others is sourced by God. Therefore, serving others is worship only when it is birthed directly out of personal intimacy with God. 

How to cultivate real intimacy with God 

Pursuing intimacy with God begins as we become serious about practicing surrender. I don’t know about you, but I find living a life yielded to the will of God is hard work. There is nothing easy about dying to self, right?  But, surrender positions us for refinement, restoration, renewal, and transformation. Now that puts it all back into perspective, right? 

We are invited to come and know Him. The journey to the Father’s heart is about cultivating intimacy with God in every aspect of our lives. Ultimately, we’re talking about spiritual formation, which is the ongoing process of becoming like Jesus. As we become like Jesus, we experience the healing and wholeness of God’s perfect design.

Honesty

I’ll be honest, I wrestle with my brokenness which often leads me into rhythms of perfectionism and performance. I’ve learned, though, that God doesn’t want me to waste my life on those kinds of offerings. They will never achieve what He has already done. My desire to nail it often distracts me from seeing the beauty and the power of God. Maybe you can relate? 

Intimacy with God is birthed in surrender to His presence, power, and glory. When we put God on the throne we begin to see things as they really are. Learning to know Him in the watching, waiting, and listening, expands ours vision of who He is. It’s this kind of communion that leads us to higher ground and causes roots to grow deep. When we live connected to the heart of the Father, we experience intimacy with God. 

Cultivating intimacy with God is a life-long practice, but there are many great tools that help us work it through. Looking for something a little different to help? I have a great contemplative devotional that just might be what you’re looking for right now. Sign up and get The Grace Notes, which come complete every Friday, with daily readings, journal prompts for reflection, and a contemplative project to help practice in the process.

For more about cultivating intimacy with God check these posts out!

Choosing to open yourself to God: 3 simple habits that change everything

Knowing God means experiencing Him.

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