Beyond the outpouring of the feel-good crazy love display, is a messy broken place, where loving others is not easy. The thing is, God calls his children to not just love others, but to love our enemies. Today we’re going to look at 5 ways to cultivate the practice of loving others, even when it’s hard.
Over the last year, I’ve noticed an increase in disrespect directed toward others that hold different views. Maybe you’ve seen it too? And it’s not just on social media, it’s e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.
We’ve seen and heard some horrendous sound bites and quotes over the last year. There is nothing like a crisis to send the masses into a tizzy, eh? To be completely honest, I feel shocked and embarrassed. It’s not that I’m surprised that people can be hateful to one another, because I understand the effects of sin, what I do find so appalling is the way the church has behaved in all of this.
I am embarrassed to be associated with some of the statements and values that have been spewed into the atmosphere all in the name of truth and justice. Maybe you are too? Unity is a tricky thing where there are different viewpoints, but it may help to remember that unity is not conformity.
What about if we used the word harmony instead? Harmony requires at least two different and distinct sounds to work together. To create a pleasant sound, we need to bend both pitches until they resonate together producing a harmonious sound. This, for me, is a better model of unity, because it honors and respects distinction and diversity.
Loving others
There’s an old song called, “They’ll know we are Christians by our love” that we used to sing back in the day. The lyrics come back in a rush as I think about the church and our witness right now. All I can think is, do they? Does the world know that we are Christians by our love?
So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
John 13:34-35
Christ-followers are not just called to love others, it’s a part of their destiny. God made humanity in His image.
So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27
God is the embodiment of love, and not only that, He is faithful in all things. Our capacity to love has been affected by the fall and is certainly distorted by unchecked sin issues in the heart, but all the parts are hard-wired and in place. As we connect with the Father, receiving and responding to His love, He enables us to do what our flesh so often resists.
God created us to love, just like He does, and through His Spirit He gives us the ability to do it. Loving others is the most powerful way to communicate the gospel message to a world looking for healing and peace.
The threads of social media tells me that we have a big job ahead if we hope to repair and restore our testimony. If we have any hope of fulfilling our God-given mandate then we need to be intentional about loving others.
Loving all people
I don’t know about you, but loving others is hard work. We are all a little broken and messed up, which makes it hard to both offer love and to receive it. The other challenge lies within our distorted understanding of what love is. We formulate ideas and models of what true love should look like, but sometimes the most loving thing we do creates more harm than healing.
Here’s the thing, loving others isn’t a box we check, it’s an act of worship. That kind of changes things doesn’t it? I mean, when I consider loving others as an expression of my worship to the Lord, it shifts both my perspective and attitude. Honestly, I know I can’t love others well until I have known the love of God. None of us can.
We love each other because he loved us first.
1 John 4:19
God doesn’t give us a single instant when it is okay to not love others. In fact, the Bible teaches us that not only should we love our neighbors, but we should also love our enemies. I think we ALL know that loving others is an assignment from the Lord and an integral part of our destiny, but what does that look like?
I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but I have learned loving others should always be the result of what happens in the intimacy of loving God first. Out of the overflow of His perfect love, we will find the capacity and creativity to love others as He does, even when it’s hard.
We don’t have to agree to love, because love isn’t contingent on those kinds of conditions. Loving others generously doesn’t mean condoning life choices, attitudes, beliefs, values, or behaviors, it’s about kindness, justice, and mercy.
5 Ways to cultivate the practice of loving others, even when it’s hard.
Maintain communion with the Father
Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
Communion with the Father doesn’t just happen, it’s an intentional act of worship. And to be clear, this communion I speak about is not the sacrament we practice as a church body, but the essence of a close and personal relationship with the LORD, The presence of God changes everything, it’s where we find healing and wholeness.
We have access to God through salvation in Christ. The atonement allows us to come close to the Father, to know Him, and to be known by him. All the way through scripture we see His invitation to trust and follow Him into the fullness of His perfect love.
As we commit and surrender to keeping God first we will continue to grow and experience healing and wholeness. He fills us with His extravagant love until we spillover, which allows us to practice loving others. That’s the well we want to draw from because it never runs out!
When we concentrate on keeping the Father first, it helps keep the soul aligned, eyes fixed, and ears open to what He is doing both in and around.
Loving others has to be birthed from the love of God.
Maintain healthy boundaries
Loving others can get messy when we don’t keep God first. I have seen and personally experienced the injury and damage of what happens when love becomes enablement. Brokeness cries out for help, but at some point, along the way, we all have to participate and take responsibility for ourselves.
Enabling is not love and it hurts both you and the other person. It’s important to remember that you and I are not salvation to another person. That distinction is critical because in our own brokenness things can easily get distorted.
Paul tells us in his letter to the Galatians that there are times when we need to carry the burdens of others, but he also says that there’s a time to hand it back (Galatians 6:2-5). Here’s the point, we are not called to bear all the burdens of others all of the time.
If the idea of boundaries seems new, I suggest checking out Havilah Cunnington’s Bible Study called, “I do Boundaries.” There are some other great resources available on the topic, but I think this one would be a great place to start. You can find it here.
Maintain short accounts
Be quick to forgive. Loving others is much easier when we keep short accounts. Forgiveness is hard, and the longer we wait to do it the more difficult it becomes.
There is a woman who has been coming around our church for more than a decade. Last year, she started coming to our Alpha Course during which she encountered Jesus and surrendered her life to him. It was a stunning thing to see, she is a tough cookie.
As we sat around the table each week, last year, she spoke about longing for Jesus but struggled because of all the hurt she had endured. We spoke about forgiveness, but the pain was so great that she couldn’t even say the word. In fact, to this day she refers to forgiveness as the “F” word.
Ultimately, she surrendered to Jesus and has found a way to forgive others. I have watched healing and transformation happen over this last year, which led to her baptizm. She has become bold in her testimony, readily admitting to the part that forgiveness has played in bring healing and life transformation.
We need to cultivate an attitude that willing to obey the command to forgive others. If we have settled the issue of forgiveness in our hearts then doing it will be much easier.
Maintain grace
Choose the unoffended way. Here’s the thing, we’ve already determined that forgiveness is hard, so then, why not cut it off at the pass?
There is a lot of yuck we pick up that really doesn’t need to be touched. Insult becomes injury when we allow it to stick. Trying to manage the emotions and expectations of others is an exercise in futility.
Sometimes people say things that feel hurtful all the time. The fact of the matter is, people will say and do dumb things, but we have the power to shut it down. Our best defense is in the offering grace. Let’s not be so quick to judge without understanding the context. In other words, don’t make assumptions without knowing all the facts. Or, just let it go.
Maintain the practice of trust
Loving others may feel easier when we trust the other person, but we will never have complete assurance of that while we walk on this side of eternity. People will fail us, there’s no getting around it, but we do need to get past it. So, how do we do that?
The capacity for loving others begins with cultivating trust in God. Believing God to be all that He says he is, with the power to do all that he says he will do, is never a one-time declaration. Trusting Him is a choice we have to make with every encounter, situation, and circumstance. We active trust when we step into obedience. When God says it, do it. The more we do this the easier it gets, especially when it’s a big ask.
Trusting God empowers us to pursue all that He has for us. The invitation to come, to know, to dwell, and to participate with God is bigger than any of us can imagine. The goodness of God both calls us to something more and helps up get there, but the way in and the way through it all begins and ends with trusting Him.
One of the best ways to cultivate and maintain the practice of trust is to rehearse the promises of God. Start in the book of Psalms and work your way through. Underline them, memorize them, and pray into them. As you meet with the LORD, bring your concerns and challenges before him and submit them to His promises. Do it and then do it again.
Trusting God will empower us in the practice of loving others because it forces us to rely on Him for direction and discretion. So, even in situations that feel impossibly hard, when God is leading we can trust that He will provide and equip us. We may not be assured of an easy feel-good time of it, but we can be confident that when things go sideways, He will bring us through that too.
Stepping in…
I don’t know about you, but I have keep reminding myself that I haven’t arrived. There are still things that need to be learned and developed. This one life that we have is a gift, but it’s a gift that give. We have this opportunity to steward all the goodness that God pours in. The way we invest and spend our love matters.
I pray this has been encouraging and that you take away some tips to help you in your journey for the more of God. Loving others should be the tangible fruit of an intimate personal relationship with God.
If you are interested in diving in a little deeper, I have a weekly devotional called, The Grace Notes. We are currently focusing on what it means to live from the promises of God! You can subscribe by filling out the form below.