Breathe:  inhale, exhale, and repeat…I find myself audibly saying this to myself—a lot. I can actually hear the sound of my mother’s voice,

“Breathe! Quit holding your breath!”

 

It jars me and shakes me awake and reminds me to be present. I don’t know why I do it, but I do; I hold my breath. (Deep Sigh)  Well, there’s that too: the sigh.  I find the deep sigh is like a pressure release, probably a direct result of holding my breath and waiting for whatever it is I wait for. And so it goes my daily mantra of reminding, prompting breath and life for this moment and then the next.

Breathe: inhale, exhale and trust. 

I remembered the other day that this was actually a discipline that I practiced as I began College.  The last few months of high-school were pretty stressful and then for the first time I was off on my own.  It was awesome and it was terrifying.  I found dark solitude was particularly comforting.  I would lay on my bed, close my eyes, and I would breath: in and out, in and out. As I’ve walked through life I’ve learned that this particular technique is about focus.  Breathing techniques are used to help with pain, particularly the pain of a laboring woman struggling to bring a child into the world.  I figure if it is powerful enough to help a woman in that amount of pain, then it can certainly help in other manifestations of pain whether it be emotional, mental, or physical.

A number of years ago in the midst of a number of big things happening in the life of our church and personal life I lost my job.  It was sudden and unexpected, an unfortunate result of economic times and of being the last one hired.  I came home that night, sat before my computer with the intent of returning messages and found an angry, accusatory message from someone really offended with me.  I felt, at that moment completely cut down.  My worth and identity fully under seize. I felt like I was drowning and so I sat there all alone sobbing, as deep wounds ripped open from one side of me to the other.  It was the kick start of a season of undoing for me.

 

 

For me, the undoing was a season of systematically dismantling the lies I had always believed about myself so that I could hear the truth.  It was from that raw place that the LORD began to rebuild and establish His truth in my whole being.

The picture of undoing is powerful because the only way to really get at some of the lies is to allow the LORD to literally take me apart. Thought patterns, justified feelings, habits, and practices were all confronted and challenged by the Holy Spirit in order to bring me into alignment with truth.  The unraveling was pretty disconcerting and downright confronting, but so necessary.  You see, the undoing, although painful, is the only way to wholeness.  It’s a beautiful process–hard but good.  I’m thankful that God redeems.  Every failure, every broken promise, every hurt, everything is subject to redemption and restoration.

In the wake of this holy collision, I was wrestling and striving to find some answers.  I was furiously vacuuming all the while praying desperate prayers from a place of despair and utter failure.  I remember just saying, “What am I going to do?”  And just as quickly as I released that word he responded and said,

“Rest.  I just want you to rest.”

I literally stopped moving and looked up, frozen in motion and just responded with, “What? How is that even an option?”  I was incredulous.

 

Here’s the thing: I cried out, he heard me and he answered me.  I questioned him and he gently responded, “Rest.  That’s it.  I’ll even show you if you let me…”  This revelation was followed by years of process: the undoing and unraveling. As I look back I see that the undoing is not punishment, and crazy as it sounds, I’ve come to appreciate and respect it.

 

Breathe: just, breathe. 

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how this whole breathing thing correlates to my spiritual life.  Breathing is vital to life.  The human body needs oxygen in order to function.  Let me say that again–NEEDS OXYGEN to function. When my brain is deprived of oxygen it can cause irrevocable damage. Breathing is a fundamental process that is required to sustain life.  When we breathe we are present.  To be present is both necessary and ultimately good, even when it is surrounded by bad. And so it is with rest.

Let me shape and define that word as I’ve come to know it through these years of process and discovery (more on rest in future blog posts). Rest is NOT about a ceasing of activity, but rather the ceasing of striving in the activity.  It is about the posture of my heart towards the heart of Daddy-God.

 

 

 

You can only find rest in the presence of the Father.  Rest is something we choose by surrender—it’s the only way we get it.  We can’t plan for it, we can”t hope for it…we surrender and in that place of presence, it just comes.  Through years of process I have found that rest is fundamental to my spirit and soul.  Rest is life for my inner woman like breathing is life to my body.

My journey of learning what the LORD means when he says, “Rest,” has taken me through scripture study, word studies, and spiritual exercises.  I have actually met with the LORD and experienced his presence over his testimony through scriptures like,

 

“Taste and see that the LORD is good.  Happy are those who trust in him” (Psalm 34:8)

 

“Be still and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10)

I love it when he tells us that he won’t hide from us (Isaiah 45:19)—that right there is the courage to go after more and to keep digging!  We were never meant to carry anything but his beautiful truth, which is what I continue to discover as I study his word and listen to his voice in it.

 

This has become my one thing…spending myself on pressing into this word (Rest), learning the rhythms of the LORD himself, disciplining myself to listen and yield to Him because it is always better.  His way is always better…even when it’s hard.

Breathe: inhale, exhale, and repeat.

 

 

 

 

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