She looked at me with wide knowing eyes and nervously giggled,

“You’re married to a Pastor? Oh my God! You must be bored out of you mind.  I can’t imagine…”

Her voice trailed off as her mind worked to make sense of my life, I’m sure.  I’m fairly certain she felt sorry for me as she took me in—my whole pregnant self. I had gone to visit my parents for the week while Ryan (my husband), was away on a ministry trip with a group of high-school students.  I had met up with a friend and while we were walking through the mall we happened upon this old childhood friend of hers.

I burst out laughing out laughing,

“Bored? Nope! Not even close.  In fact, of all the words I could choose, bored doesn’t even make the cut list.”

She shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with any more conversation on the topic and we moved into something safer…small talk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love my life.  I love being married to this man, who is larger than life with unending dreams.  And, there is NOTHING boring about our lives. Actually, there are times when sometimes I wish for a little bit of boring…but not very often, because in walking head long into unplanned rhythms I’ve discovered the joy of presence.  I know that being fully present is not always easy because there is a measure of confrontation that has to happen in order to find rightness, but being fully present, means being fully alive, and alive isn’t restricted to only the good stuff.

I was reading this morning and thinking about a lot of different things.  Sometimes you just wake up with your brain is humming on overdrive and that was me: my mind completely awake and a little all over the place.  But when I read this, the words struck me and caused me to pause as I digested the instructions from the Apostle John.

 

 

 

 

“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.  So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.  If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion –how can God’s love be in that person?  Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.  Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. “ (1 John 3:16-19 NLT)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love—what does it look like?

What does it look like in the mundane? What does it look like in the grand scope?  Let me be really honest in this.  I feel very overwhelmed when I think about this mandate.

How can I love like that?  I am certain that I do not have it in me to love the way Christ loves me.   I have certainly had some brilliant moments of love, but even those were infused by great grace, which only confirms my conclusion that I can’t do it.

I have always tried to love as perfectly as I can, but there is a reality that my love is imperfect and clumsy at best.  There are some people who are very easy to love and there are others who are really hard to love.  Can you relate?  I confess, I struggle to press in when I feel like I’ve given everything I’ve got and it still isn’t enough. That sense of failure and rejection can sting.

But God is different. 

I’m so thankful that He is faithful and continues to remind me that it isn’t about my striving to do it better, but rather, it’s about my surrender to trust Him to do what I simply can’t.  All he wants is for me to be willing and then He takes it from there.

As I was praying through these verses, I found myself resonating with the truth before me in a new way, somehow deeper than before.  Jesus, fully divine and fully man, was obedient to the LORD, even to the cross.

 

Take a minute and really think about that.

 

 

In his humanness he surrendered and trusted in God to love through him—all the way to the cross. He took on every sin for all of humanity and bore the blame.  He knew He had to do it and He submitted to it. Think about that…would you do it? That is radical, relentless, love. That He would take the blame and assume the consequence for sin He never committed is almost incomprehensible.  He became sin, and then overcame it because of His perfect shed blood. This is extraordinary.

Identifying with Jesus and the cross is not a comfortable thing to do.  I’m so full of gratitude that he loves me and that he would go to the cross for me, but to really identify with the fullness of what that means is hard.  I mean, when I look at that love and how it covers all of humanity, it takes much weight off of my shoulders.  When it is our collective sin, and not just mine, it somehow doesn’t confront the same.  But take that in a little closer. When I start to look at my own heart, from His perspective, everything changes—EVERYTHING.  All of the sudden I see how difficult it is to love me.

Identifying with Jesus on the cross is powerful and important because it helps me realize my life is not really about what I do, but rather about what I surrender. Am I willing to be fully present—fully aware of all that I am—to yield my life?

 

 

 

Surrender.  It’s in the yielding that knowing happens.

It’s in the being still before the LORD, the waiting, and the trusting, which allows the Father to do in us and through us what we long for but could never do on our own. Wow!  How magnificent is that? Such incredible love demonstrated day in and day out, perfectly and relentlessly.

Yeah, (sigh) that’s good. I’m thankful for the provision given through that incredible sacrifice that allows me—us—into the holy place with the LORD.  Everything we encounter in life is an invitation to come closer.

We have a lot going on ALL THE TIME but I’m embracing the freedom that comes in release and trust.  I am learning the rhythms of it and leaning in.  Living open-handed and unrestrained are not easy, but that is what love is, right? Identifying with Jesus and the cross appropriates my position before the Father, to receive love until it pours out of every part of my life.  Identifying with Jesus and the cross is more about me coming close and letting the Father do the work.  My job is to yield. My job is to be willing.  My job is to trust.  My job is to wait.

Boring? Nope, not even close!